What makes a good DOM?
What makes a good DOM depends largely on the dynamic that two people share, i.e. the Dom and the submissive. However, there are universal qualities that DOMs share. In view with that, we are going to look at the attributes, characteristics and gestures that are synonymous with being a good DOM.
Before we get started, let’s define what is a DOM and then look at what makes a good Dom.
What is a DOM?
Dom is when a person has full power, control and influence over another. A Dom takes the responsibility of leading, guiding, disciplining, and protecting its submissive.
What makes a good DOM?
Being a Dom might look like the simplest thing to fall into. However, it takes a lot of restrain, great listening, compassion, responsibility, emotional intelligence, intuition and respect. Above all, what makes a good DOM is largely dependent on the submissive, on how the Dom handles the subs’ boundaries and rules and how well they communicate.
In general, being a good Dom involves…
Respectful
Being respectful at all times, especially in public. The exception occurs when the relationship becomes a lifestyle, so it’s not solely reserved for the bedroom. However, being respectful in front of others is always a requirement unless, previously agreed on.
Holding promises
Keeping promises, sticking to their word and being accountable is a sign of a good Dom.
Kinks
Being interested in the same kinks, desires and fantasies and wanting to explore them together with consent and respect is another sign of a good DOM.
Accept criticism
Being open to criticism, open to communication and being a compassionate, considered and being open to learn and improve on themselves and the relationship is ultimately a good attribute for a Dom.
Kindness
A good Dom shows kindness after play time, the Dom will cuddle, talk, reassure, and ensure the sub is happy and comfortable.
Understanding
A Dom will only do what the sub wants and needs, they will respect the submissive’s boundaries and limits. They will modify and adapt their relationship to the submissive needs and wants.
Reliable
In order for a Dom/Sub relationship to develop trust is of essence. A Dom has to prove continuously to the sub that they care and respect them. Therefore, the safety and wellbeing of the sub is extremely important.
It’s amply obvious that the Dom doesn’t really have all the control. The sub holds a lot of that control as it is their willingness to relinquish that control to the Dom that gives the Dom the control. In a relationship like this consent is a priority, a good Dom will not do anything that the sub is not comfortable with or wants it.
Watch this video about the top 5 myths about BDSM
Photo by Cristian Newman on Unsplash
Are you currently in a d/s relationship with, a ‘good’ Dom? Did you want to add more to the list above of what makes a good Dom?